My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
