He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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