People in love make me want to vomit
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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