Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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