found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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