he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
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It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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