I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
