Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
