there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
