What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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