After last night, I could never be a politician.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
