this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
