did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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