new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize