worst night to have a conscience
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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