Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
