history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
