If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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