Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
