I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
