erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
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When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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