I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
