you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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