I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
