Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
