dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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