she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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