So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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