got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
