i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
