Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
