i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize