Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
