Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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