did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
A+ Viking dick
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize