I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I supernannyed him into submission
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
