I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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