Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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