took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
