so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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