I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
