My room smells like vodka and shame
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
