Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You have to summon your inner elephant
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
