Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
