Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
