I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
