Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
