Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
