i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize