Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
