some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
