She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
