Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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