i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
