I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
