i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
