Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
