what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
