Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
