Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Mom said you looked used
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
