So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
