Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
tell me about the fingering
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